Wednesday, February 28, 2007

oh the weather outside is frightful

Yes, it is Oregon in March (or februaruy, whatever). It has in the last 5 minutes gone from hailing to snowing and now it is sunny. What should I wear?

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

what's for dinner!

Now that I am working full time dinner is a problem. We end up eating out a lot. Too much, but there isn't much I can do about it. I work ten hour shifts, 8 to 630, and I don't get home until around 7. I have one evening off each week, in addition to the weekends. It just isn't enough time to get things ready, to put together anything decent. We have a friend who uses "dinners done right", one of those meal prep services, and he swears by it. For less than 170 dollars we can get 12 meals ready to cook, made from fresh ingredients that we can take out of the freezer and cook. There are side dishes available but I think we can manage salad and rolls on our own. Anyway, we will give it a shot and see how it works! I might add we spend that much eating out in any given month or less, and it is much less healthy.

Thursday, February 15, 2007

New job

Ok, I have been three weeks on the new new job. I love it. What a difference. I actually enjoy what I am doing, enjoy going to work. I am doing hospice nursing. I have done some in the past but mostly as an on call, no case management, and as such I did not have much continuity. I enjoyed it but got tired of the driving, our territory was huge and as on call I had no territory. I am making good money, working 4 tens, and have most weekends off. I get to spend lots of time helping people who really appreciate what I am doing and I feel competent. I hate jobs where not matter how hard you try you feel like a failure. This is so much better. Thank you God! I even get to work in a faith based company so we get to, are encouraged to pray with people. What a concept.

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Beaches, crunches, pet peeves

I woke up last week in the middle of the night hearing a loud crunch in my mouth, I had evidently been grinding my teeth, and broke something. I thought I had just broke a piece off of my tooth but I cracked the whole tooth. It hurt for a day or so and now feels fine, but I will need a crown, which I am scheduled to do in two weeks. I think it will be a gold crown, I always wanted a crown,just not in my mouth.

My cat is playing with a piece of grass or a bug or something in the kitchen, he acts like he is the mighty hunter stalking his prey, attacking, killing, whatever. It's just a little bug or not even that, he can get more mileage out of a twisty tie than any living creature I have seen. Very cute.

We went to the beach weekend before last, my husband and I. The kids were at winter church camp, so we were alone. We stayed at a little place in Lincoln City, right on the beach. The casino beckoned and we responded, coughing up our cash like little kitties with a big hairball problem. Oh well, it was fun, if not lucrative.

I am wondering, I have been taking my kids to a local church for the last 6 months or so, they have a smaller but very active youth group and I really want to encourage them to make and keep connections with a church group that teaches and emphasizes Christian values and developing a relationship with God. I give them what I can, but kids need a peer group too, and one that models Christian values is better than the crap they get int he world. That being said, I want my kids to experience human interactions, learn social skills, etc. The pastor at this church, which is not large but not tiny, about 50-75, gave a sermon about sex last week. It is part of a series. This was about holiness and hormones existing together in harmony. Or something like that. He made a big point about how teens should not play with fire,that they are tempting disaster if they do. My daughter has a "boyfriend" at this church, little more than smile, giggle and hand holding, and he is a very nice boy, very polite. I don't know if it was aimed at her or the fact that they are a "couple", but he obviously feels this is way too young to let kids even pretend to play at dating.

I may be wrong, and I may be being too lenient, but they have no unchaperoned time, he calls her at home when she is allowed on the phone (after homework, not when we aren't there etc), they don't date, although if they wanted to go to a movie I would let them.

He talks about starting a fire you can't put out. I can kind of see that, but is 13 or 14 too early to let kids start interacting with the opposite sex in a less general manner under well controlled circumstances? Am I setting her up to be frustrated and to get into trouble?

Here is my observation. The other girls, even those who are Christian, talk about boys, some of them run around with boys without their parents knowledge or permission, they notice the opposite sex, they dress a certain way to get attention from them, and so on. Am I wrong in allowing my daughter to have a friend who is a boy, who she likes, and who is nice to her, be a special friend, at the age of almost 14?

I guess for me it seems almost tame in comparison to what I was doing at that point, and I know she is noticing them anyway, isn't forbidden fruit worse than allowing an outlet to participate in activities in a supervised manner, better than forcing her to hide and sneak, which is what the other girls do? Not all of them, there are girls who are committed Christians and are committed to chastity before marriage. I am proud of them. I don't know that she is, she says she understands sex before marriage is wrong, and why, and we have taught her what we believe, but I don't know if her commitment to the Lord is such that she would abstain due to her values (you can lead a horse to water....). I don't know how to make that happen for her. It didn't for me until I was 30. I was 30 before I had the moral compass and impetus to do what God wanted me to. I believe that will happen for her, and I am providing structure and guidance, I don't know how to make it happen.

I would rather see her have chance to learn social skills when I am here to help guide her than to make it not ok to the point where she sneaks, or to have her feel uncomfortable interacting with the other gender. I know it (social maturity) will happen as life goes on, but why not allow her chances to see how a boy should act, and to be involved so that if a boy is not behaving we can talk about it and intervene? I didn't know, I let guys walk all over me, and I took a lot of crud I should not have. That is my experience of letting nature take it's course. I had boys slap me, force sexual situations I didn't necessarily want, put me down, and generally wear down my self esteem. Pushing it underground won't make it go away, but acknowledging it is there and giving it a structure may help her not go through what I did.

I am thinking that my idea of structure is different from theirs. They want me to tell my daughter she can't date, can't have a boyfriend, until, well, I don't know when they felt that would be ok, I guess until she is ready to start finding a husband. That could be 18, 20, 30. Who knows. I am not saying they are wrong, but what I don't know is, am I wrong? I would welcome peoples' thoughts, especially from a Christian viewpoint. I know that is a wide open field, and I am probably inviting trouble, but I do wonder if I am off base. Her dad would say she shouldn't look at boys until she is 18 and out of the house but that is not what he expects, he just hates dealing with his baby girl becoming a woman, and the whole thing makes him uncomfortable. He is not dealing well with fatherhood and all it's challenges.