I'm not dead

Really, I'm not. I realized it's been almost two weeks since I last wrote, I dunno, just got busy. I guess that's a good thing, sometimes it feels like the only time I write is when I am sitting around, morose, with nothing to do but gripe. I am not morose, I am doing quite well.

I have made myself a promise that I will try to never erase what I have written. If I don't want to say it I wont, but I won't censor myself that way. I am generally a cheerful person but introspective, and I think about things. When I write, I tend to write about what I am thinking about, sometimes that's good and sometimes it's bad. It is what it is.

One thing I guess I have learned is that a sad day does not mean a sad life. Neither does a sad week. My feelings are what they are and I do not think analyzing them to death is helpful, nor is ignoring them and hoping they will go away. If I am mad, I will be mad until I don't need to be, the same goes for sad and even happy. I can't stand constantly cheerful people, they make me want to look for the switch in the back of their neck that I am sure is there, just so I can flick it off.

I really appreciate people who are real. I have a good friend at church who is one of those people who simply wears on the outside whatever she is feeling on the inside and although that can mean sometimes she is cranky and crabby, there is no guessing what is going on. She will never blindside me with a shot from left field and I love her for it. Enigmatic people are ok as long they don't get on a high horse about being enigmatic, "oh, right I forgot you are soooo mysterious. ooooh", like we are all just supposed to bow to their superior enigma-cy, or whatever.

Anyway, I try to be real, to be whoever and whatever I am at that time. I hope that no one has to guess what I am thinking or feeling, and that they know they are always welcome to ask, I may not have an answer but I wil try!

Be good to yourself !