Just more stuff
Well, nothing earthshattering lately just little things.
I encouraged my daughter, who loves to draw and has a good eye for art, to enter a poster contest for Earth Day at the local recreation district. She is at the top of the age group but still within the range. She struggles so much with self esteem and feeling like she never wins. I thought, even if she doesn't win, it's nice to do something you enjoy just because you enjoy it, not because it's an assignment. Kudos if you win but even if you don't, you had fun. Well, she won. I don't know what place, just that we got a message that she had won and could come down to the office to pick up her basket. I wonder what she won? She was so excited about this and I am glad to see her getting some real positive feedback. When I am able I will scan the picture and post it.
We are in the process of getting my son worked up for ADHD, so I guess I'll have a matched set. I find it interesting to see the difference between how the two manifest their condition. My daughter is so under motivated, although that is improving, very sullen and easily angered but in kind of a passive way. She gets mad that she fails at so many things but doesn't really try to do better. Well, she is trying harder but still not quite hitting the mark. It's like she walks around in kind of a mental fog, never really getting what she is doing wrong. It's like every time it's a surprise to her when something doesn't work out, even though she may have gone through the same process a week before with the same results. You sit and wonder , is she completely unable to learn from her experiences?
My son on the other hand is much more classic hyperactive. I tried rationalize that he is just a typical little boy, rambunctious and not very self aware. He is so smart, as is my daughter, but the difference is, he really tries, almost too hard, but gets so frustrated and depressed. It's like they both end up in the same place but took different roads. In either case the result is the same. He tests off the charts and yet is failing in many subjects he should excel in. He functions much better in school than she does, because he at least tries. But the poor kid can't keep any of his ducks in a row, they just keep wandering off taking him with them. He also cannot sit still to save his life. Church is an eternity of torture for him at times. For everyone. Sitting next to him is like sitting next to a bag full of snakes. When we are shopping he darts off down the aisle doing pirouettes. When you ask him to stand still he'll prostest he is, all the while he is literally dancing in place. I find myself constantly asking him if he has to go to the bathroom because he looks like he is doing the potty dance. He'll launch into a 20 minute expositional speech about something, using no verbal punctuation whatsoever. I don't feel bad about having him evaluated, watching him and all those who have to work with him suffer is enough to make me want to find him help.
I finally, in a fit of frustration, cleaned their rooms and removed all but most precious toys and educational items, in an effort to reduce the amount of stuff they have to keep track of. He kept losing his paperwork in his room, I'd find it a month later undone. I try to explain it's not a punishment, they simply can't handle all their stuff, they need less to deal with. They aren't too sure about that.
One bummer, I found out that now that we don't have dual coverage for insurance, our copay on my daughters meds is now 25 bucks a month, which will soon be 50 bucks if my son gets the same treatment. Yikes, thats alot, in additon to regular office visits and copays. My budget needs revising.
My daughters teacher let me know she is still causing trouble in class, on several occasions. He also, upon finding out that she is going to see a psychiatrist to eval for possible depression, offered that he did not think she was depressed, since he saw her one day crying and sad, then as soon as she was going to a class she liked she was fine. He figured if she could turn it off and on like that it couldn't be depression. Of course he is n't the one sitting and holding her while she cries and says she doesn't think she is worth anything, that it wouldn't matter if she had never been born of if she just fell off the face of the earth. It might be pre teen angst but I won't bet my child on that. Of course, he isn't a mental health professional but it seems a bit presumptuous to make medical judgements on a childs mental health. IMHO.
I am planning to remove her from school, either this year of before next year starts. It is becoming clear to me that although she is making a good effort, there is no flexibilty in the school system to allow for her disability, she continues to fail. They tell me that because she tests ok, 15th %-ile, which to be honest is not too great but, within a normal range, she does not qualify for any kind of special help or IEP, as she is not learning disabled. It seems to me that if there is a big disparity between a childs potential and their ability to perform or function up to that potential, that should be an indication that there is some disability. But that's just me, what do I know? If making things work with 1 teacher is a struggle, how will she do in middle school with 6 or 7? It seems like a recipe for disaster, and a sure fire way to make sure she continues to fail. Especially if the school is as reluctant to offer any help. They will take a year just to decide she is a problem and waste another year blaming it on her or me and by then she'll be passed on the HS to be someone elses problem. Nope, not if I can help it.
So, there we are. I make a quilt yesterday, to replace an old one that my MIL made that fell apart literally, as it was used so much. I threw it away. Sorry honey, if you are reading this, I thought it best to do it while you were gone, but that poor tattered thing was not usable. You'll like the new one, it looks very similar and in a year or two will be just as soft and broken in.
Have a wonderful weekend and a good week to come.
I encouraged my daughter, who loves to draw and has a good eye for art, to enter a poster contest for Earth Day at the local recreation district. She is at the top of the age group but still within the range. She struggles so much with self esteem and feeling like she never wins. I thought, even if she doesn't win, it's nice to do something you enjoy just because you enjoy it, not because it's an assignment. Kudos if you win but even if you don't, you had fun. Well, she won. I don't know what place, just that we got a message that she had won and could come down to the office to pick up her basket. I wonder what she won? She was so excited about this and I am glad to see her getting some real positive feedback. When I am able I will scan the picture and post it.
We are in the process of getting my son worked up for ADHD, so I guess I'll have a matched set. I find it interesting to see the difference between how the two manifest their condition. My daughter is so under motivated, although that is improving, very sullen and easily angered but in kind of a passive way. She gets mad that she fails at so many things but doesn't really try to do better. Well, she is trying harder but still not quite hitting the mark. It's like she walks around in kind of a mental fog, never really getting what she is doing wrong. It's like every time it's a surprise to her when something doesn't work out, even though she may have gone through the same process a week before with the same results. You sit and wonder , is she completely unable to learn from her experiences?
My son on the other hand is much more classic hyperactive. I tried rationalize that he is just a typical little boy, rambunctious and not very self aware. He is so smart, as is my daughter, but the difference is, he really tries, almost too hard, but gets so frustrated and depressed. It's like they both end up in the same place but took different roads. In either case the result is the same. He tests off the charts and yet is failing in many subjects he should excel in. He functions much better in school than she does, because he at least tries. But the poor kid can't keep any of his ducks in a row, they just keep wandering off taking him with them. He also cannot sit still to save his life. Church is an eternity of torture for him at times. For everyone. Sitting next to him is like sitting next to a bag full of snakes. When we are shopping he darts off down the aisle doing pirouettes. When you ask him to stand still he'll prostest he is, all the while he is literally dancing in place. I find myself constantly asking him if he has to go to the bathroom because he looks like he is doing the potty dance. He'll launch into a 20 minute expositional speech about something, using no verbal punctuation whatsoever. I don't feel bad about having him evaluated, watching him and all those who have to work with him suffer is enough to make me want to find him help.
I finally, in a fit of frustration, cleaned their rooms and removed all but most precious toys and educational items, in an effort to reduce the amount of stuff they have to keep track of. He kept losing his paperwork in his room, I'd find it a month later undone. I try to explain it's not a punishment, they simply can't handle all their stuff, they need less to deal with. They aren't too sure about that.
One bummer, I found out that now that we don't have dual coverage for insurance, our copay on my daughters meds is now 25 bucks a month, which will soon be 50 bucks if my son gets the same treatment. Yikes, thats alot, in additon to regular office visits and copays. My budget needs revising.
My daughters teacher let me know she is still causing trouble in class, on several occasions. He also, upon finding out that she is going to see a psychiatrist to eval for possible depression, offered that he did not think she was depressed, since he saw her one day crying and sad, then as soon as she was going to a class she liked she was fine. He figured if she could turn it off and on like that it couldn't be depression. Of course he is n't the one sitting and holding her while she cries and says she doesn't think she is worth anything, that it wouldn't matter if she had never been born of if she just fell off the face of the earth. It might be pre teen angst but I won't bet my child on that. Of course, he isn't a mental health professional but it seems a bit presumptuous to make medical judgements on a childs mental health. IMHO.
I am planning to remove her from school, either this year of before next year starts. It is becoming clear to me that although she is making a good effort, there is no flexibilty in the school system to allow for her disability, she continues to fail. They tell me that because she tests ok, 15th %-ile, which to be honest is not too great but, within a normal range, she does not qualify for any kind of special help or IEP, as she is not learning disabled. It seems to me that if there is a big disparity between a childs potential and their ability to perform or function up to that potential, that should be an indication that there is some disability. But that's just me, what do I know? If making things work with 1 teacher is a struggle, how will she do in middle school with 6 or 7? It seems like a recipe for disaster, and a sure fire way to make sure she continues to fail. Especially if the school is as reluctant to offer any help. They will take a year just to decide she is a problem and waste another year blaming it on her or me and by then she'll be passed on the HS to be someone elses problem. Nope, not if I can help it.
So, there we are. I make a quilt yesterday, to replace an old one that my MIL made that fell apart literally, as it was used so much. I threw it away. Sorry honey, if you are reading this, I thought it best to do it while you were gone, but that poor tattered thing was not usable. You'll like the new one, it looks very similar and in a year or two will be just as soft and broken in.
Have a wonderful weekend and a good week to come.
posted by madmom at 10:57 AM
2 Comments:
Oh my goodness, I wish I had read this when you first posted it. Honey, you are going right to the top of my prayer list.
I've been through so much of what you are going through with my youngest son, my heart just goes out to you.
I'm so glad you're an advocate for your children. Making sure they receive a correct diagnoses, and getting them the help they need is not an easy task for an already over worked mother.
I pray that God will give you discernment, strength and courage in this matter, and that He will protect and encourage your children. God bless you.
Thank you so much Patty Jo, I sure am trying. I kind of have a bad attitude toward the whole school autority thing, a left over from kid-hood. I had some bad teacher experiences that make me a little gun shy. Her teacher called me back after I left him an email about the "depression" comment, he didn't remember saying that. I do remember it. I know God is going to get us through this thing. I think for now, the meds they are both going to be on ( unless I miss my guess my son will be starting after he sees his Dr)will help them to catch up and cover lost ground. I have hopes that they both won't need it forever, I know that God can make all things whole. So we pray each night for healing and wholeness.
As a follow up, although the psychiatrist agrees she may be depressed, he thinks alot of her problem is just sleep deprivation. The poor kid doesn't get to sleep until 11-12 almost every night (she just can fall asleep), and has to get up at 630 sharp. Every morning is a battle. He made a very sensible suggestion and now we are giving her something to help her get to sleep. If she can get into a regular sleep cycle she will feel 100% better.
Post a Comment
<< Home