Okay then.......
I had an eye opening conversation with someone today. I have an aquantaince, a young lady in her twenties, has 2 kids from an ex who evidently has several other kids, and is marginally involved in these kids lives. She also has a long time boyfriend who is present and involved in her life, helps with the care of kids, household expenses etc. She became involved with a coworker, a guy about her age, who is not attached at this time, is a big flirt, and is known for hitting on every girl he encounters, and is also known to be a bragger/exagerator about many things. Her take on it was, they were friends and decided to become physically involved in her words, on a "booty call' basis x approximately 4 months. I heard only after the fact when she commented that at least he was talking to her today, evidently he had not been since she revealed to him that she was beginning to have feelings for him.
Ok, this has so many thins wrong with it, I don't even know where to begin. Why would someone sleep with a person they were friends with unless they were really interested in being more than friends? I simply do not believe that (at least for girls), we get sexually invovled with people we aren't attracted to. Since she wasn't interested in having kids with this guy, only wants to be friends in theory, and works with him, and has a boyfriend, why would a booty call be needed? Why would one risk a friendship, and they have been friends for quite a while? I don't get the logic. I have to assume that she was not being honest with herself or him and really was attracted to him, and hoped it would blossom into more. So, when she revealed how she felt he stopped talking to her. If he was a good friend (and incidentally, a committed Christian, by his report), why would he allow that to happen? We don't treat our friends like trash, and we don't let our friends treat themselves like trash. I find the whole think reeks, it smells. I find the integrity of everyone questionable. I just don't get it. Maybe I do, but it makes me sad.
I remember what it was like in Jr high and High school. I am not so old that I don't remember. I remember that if I had had any principles I owuld not have done some of the things I did, and that if I had had any self respect I would have been embarrassed. I also remember that it didn't matter to me because it was more important to feel liked, to feel someone cared about me and wanted me, even if I knew inside that what they really wanted was what they were getting. Heavy sigh. I guess that is what is so sad, I don't want to understand but I really kind of do. It just looks so silly in retrospect. I want to shake her and say "what are you doing!!". Friends love us and care about us, they don't sabotage our relationships and use us for sex. Guys are not a substitute for self respect. We are worthy of being loved and we must know it. We are worth more than a booty call.
I wonder if this is where Roe V Wade has taken us? It's my body and I can do what I want with it. Except, what I want to do with it is abuse it and treat it with disdain and give it away to whoever will make me feel good about myself, and if I happen to get pregnant along the way it's ok, because I can get an abortion or keep it and use it as leverage against him, in case he thinks he is going to just dump me like trash. If we had respect for our own lives we could not help but have repect for the lives of our unborn, and perhaps even respect for the guy. Enough to know that if we really don't want to build life with him or he with us, a sexual relationship would be a bad idea. No life is leverage and no life is worthless. I think RVW has helped to foster a culture of disposability in human relationships, tragic. It fools us into thinking that the consequences of our actions are lessened, They aren't. The emotional and spiritual toll of becoming intimate with strangers is unchanged, no matter whether you get pregnant or not. God made us for relationship, our reason for existing is because the creator of the universe has a nature that is Love itself, and didn't want to be alone in that love. He wanted to share it, that is the nature of love. It's like denying we are human, saying we can have relationships like that. Relationship requires trust and committment, and vulnerability. Each time we allow ourselves to be hurt in
that way it takes a bite out of our souls and we wither. Real relationships build us up and make us more than we were alone. Why would we defend the right of anyone to make amockery of their humanity and the great gift God gave us to be human and to love.
Ok, this has so many thins wrong with it, I don't even know where to begin. Why would someone sleep with a person they were friends with unless they were really interested in being more than friends? I simply do not believe that (at least for girls), we get sexually invovled with people we aren't attracted to. Since she wasn't interested in having kids with this guy, only wants to be friends in theory, and works with him, and has a boyfriend, why would a booty call be needed? Why would one risk a friendship, and they have been friends for quite a while? I don't get the logic. I have to assume that she was not being honest with herself or him and really was attracted to him, and hoped it would blossom into more. So, when she revealed how she felt he stopped talking to her. If he was a good friend (and incidentally, a committed Christian, by his report), why would he allow that to happen? We don't treat our friends like trash, and we don't let our friends treat themselves like trash. I find the whole think reeks, it smells. I find the integrity of everyone questionable. I just don't get it. Maybe I do, but it makes me sad.
I remember what it was like in Jr high and High school. I am not so old that I don't remember. I remember that if I had had any principles I owuld not have done some of the things I did, and that if I had had any self respect I would have been embarrassed. I also remember that it didn't matter to me because it was more important to feel liked, to feel someone cared about me and wanted me, even if I knew inside that what they really wanted was what they were getting. Heavy sigh. I guess that is what is so sad, I don't want to understand but I really kind of do. It just looks so silly in retrospect. I want to shake her and say "what are you doing!!". Friends love us and care about us, they don't sabotage our relationships and use us for sex. Guys are not a substitute for self respect. We are worthy of being loved and we must know it. We are worth more than a booty call.
I wonder if this is where Roe V Wade has taken us? It's my body and I can do what I want with it. Except, what I want to do with it is abuse it and treat it with disdain and give it away to whoever will make me feel good about myself, and if I happen to get pregnant along the way it's ok, because I can get an abortion or keep it and use it as leverage against him, in case he thinks he is going to just dump me like trash. If we had respect for our own lives we could not help but have repect for the lives of our unborn, and perhaps even respect for the guy. Enough to know that if we really don't want to build life with him or he with us, a sexual relationship would be a bad idea. No life is leverage and no life is worthless. I think RVW has helped to foster a culture of disposability in human relationships, tragic. It fools us into thinking that the consequences of our actions are lessened, They aren't. The emotional and spiritual toll of becoming intimate with strangers is unchanged, no matter whether you get pregnant or not. God made us for relationship, our reason for existing is because the creator of the universe has a nature that is Love itself, and didn't want to be alone in that love. He wanted to share it, that is the nature of love. It's like denying we are human, saying we can have relationships like that. Relationship requires trust and committment, and vulnerability. Each time we allow ourselves to be hurt in
that way it takes a bite out of our souls and we wither. Real relationships build us up and make us more than we were alone. Why would we defend the right of anyone to make amockery of their humanity and the great gift God gave us to be human and to love.
posted by madmom at 2:30 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home