Thursday, January 13, 2005

It's 5 o'clock somewhere.....

Well, I finally did it, I made a decision (applause please!! Thank you, that's enough) After a thankfully short lived brush with shortness of breath and irregular heart activity, which turns out is perfectly normal and simply anxiety and stress related, I and my special guy decided maybe leaving the work force for a while would be a good idea. I am giving my 2 weeks notice tomorrow. I like the good folks I work with, and I even kinda like the job once in a while, but the rest of the time, yuck!

I figure, as much as I might be able to rationalize why I stay on the good days, anything that makes me so miserable I can't sleep, causes chest pains and at the end of the day I run from (well, want to run from, I can't actually run because I am too TIRED and OUT OF BREATH), might be something I should rethink.

I am grateful that I have the freedom to make that decision, but it kind irritates me that there still remains a kind of condecension toward non-exteranlly employed parents. In a really free society, we would be able to make choices as we see fit without the need to defend or justify to those who "know what's best for us". Case in point, N.O. W. wants to help women find equality in all aspects of their lives. I appreciate this and appreciate the work they have done to bring up issues of women's rights. But is it possible to take things too far? (why, yes, yes it is)

We live in a society where single motherhood is one of the greatest risk factors in poverty for families, yet, rather than at the very least ignoring or simply existing alongside organizations such as Promise Keepers, which may have a different philosophy but nonetheless have a goal that is not in conflict with NOW's. If women are financially disadvantaged by being single mothers, why would NOW hate PK with such venom, when the organization promotes men stepping up to the plate and being better, more responsible and involved fathers? www.now.org/issues/right/061104pk.html
Ya gotta read this, what a vitriolic tub of angst. Poor NOW, those men (hiss, spit) are meeting, (grrrr) and no women are allowed (psst, fttttt), and they're doing MAN stuff (whatever that is, it must be bad). Here is the evil plans they are formenting:
www.promisekeepers.org/faqscore24
Sounds pretty awful.

NOW is pissed that the RR (religious right) is pushing to make killing an unborn fetus a crime, but in the same breath, state they are fighting to decrease violence against pregnant women. That seems contradictory to me. It's ok to hurt the kid but don't hurt mom, aren't the two kind of linked?? I would think that after hopping back and forth across that fence they would need a brace for the whiplash.

Who knows what is best for me? If I am free then I am free, NOW has no more right to patronize me and my decision than any one else. I think that is how God deals with us, he doesn't hate us for doing things that harm us, he is saddened by our struggles. Just like me watching my kids, I have to let them begin to make decisions for themselves, which means I have to let them make bad decisions and experience consequences. I know that when I make a decision I bear the results. Trying to tell people how they should be, or trying to protect them from the consequences of their decisions is trying to infantalize them. NOW served a good purpose in the beginning but they go way overboard sometimes trying to cause a war where none need exist.

What if I believe that someone should lead the family, and it doesn't have to be me? What if I believe that it's ok if I take care of the primary household tasks, and allow my husband to support us financially? I have a profession and a degree, I am not an uneducated slob, and I was not raised in or brainwashed by my upbringing to believe that the traditional family roles are better. However, I have found that I do want to be at home and caring for my family, I like that. I don't want to be the heavy in the kid raising department, my husband is much better suited to take that on and my son needs the authority that a male figure adds, just as my daughter needs a male role model to teach her how she should expect to be treated by men who value and respect her. I can't model that. We don't see things the same way or approach things the same way and the multifaceted result gives our kids, I think, the best of both worlds.

I don't think all women are created to be baby making, housekeeping factories, but I do think that men and women function as a group, differently. I think that's ok. No one can say how every individual must be, we are free to be ourselves but that means we are free to be ourselves, whatever that may be. Recognizing that a group may share certain characteristics, while still respecting that we are individuals is a harder line to walk than just strutting around screaming about problems that may or may not exist and insist on solutions that may or may not be in the best interests of everyone.

So, I am going to stay home for a while, take care of the house, parent my kids a bit more closely, go to school events, make cookies, cook meals, shop, clean up (oh shit, maybe I should just go get a job,,,,,), let my husband be a dad, and do guy stuff once in a while, and I may even get my nails done (oh no, that is taking things WAY too far, this has gotta stop).
Wish me luck!

2 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I hope it works for you sweetie; and I like this posting much better. Paragraphs and everything - much easier to read. Now we just have to get you a few more readers.

Thursday, January 13, 2005 7:31:00 PM  
Blogger madmom said...

Thanks! Hey, I don't sweat the readership, if any poor soul happens across my rambling, great, but it's really just a good place to shake out the cobwebs and destress.

Thursday, January 13, 2005 9:05:00 PM  

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